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I also wished I had known. She also was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. The worshiping by her was was intoxicating. I didn't know someone could slam a door off the hinges. I should have known when I first went to her house and several torn up doors were stacked in the basement. My advice to you...if you are dating a BPD......Run until you give out....then catch a ride.....don't go back for anything......RUN!
Afraid to Use Name (2010, February 09)
My BPD friend's last episode scared the crap out of me. One second we were laughing and the next, her faced suddenly changed. Her eyes became fully dilated and then her face became contorted with sheer hatred and she launched into a sort of character assassination of me. I think she was projecting. I ended up leaving her place. But I swear I thought I saw the devil himself in those eyes. So please, unless you have experienced this first-hand, you can't really understand what it feels like to be on the receiving end of this behavior. All I know is I'm saying my nightly prayers for the first time in a long while.
Jessie (2010, January 21)
I am a Borderline mother and find a lot of this somewhat true but again it seems like a lot of the usual negative stereotypes we get thrown at us. We are VERY loving people, just emotionally childlike. So it is often difficult to handle raising a child when our emotions are childlike ourselves. Yes, it can be really hard but we're not all neglectful or abusive. Good article though. Especially liked the mention of the study finding that the children have "spacey eyes" because I do feel like my son has this trait.
Nichele Bonsanto (2010, January 23)
I wish I ahd seen this article before getting involved with the most beautiful woman I have ever dated. IT took me a year, 2 police investigations, a private eye, a psychologist for me and soon to be ex-wife and a restraining order on threee other people, and it's stil lnot over, to understand what happened. wow. this article is perfect and i recommend it to anyone who might think their partner may be this. Beware, even her therapist told me to "run away, as fast and as far as you can" and "DO NOT EVER GET HER PREGNANT" yo8u will be stuck with her for the rest of your life. My girlfriend told me she was allergic to latex and woudl literally force herself on me. they are truly a dr. jeckly and mr. hyde. it's true, run away and get therapy, immediately.
Survivor: this article is true and can be a life saver (2010, January 18)
Thank you for writing this article. My mother was diagnosed with HPD. Your article describes her perfectly. Very few people understand the seriousness of this disorder. Even psychiatrists do not want to treat them because people with HPD have no insight into their own negative traits. Thus therapy is difficult. In addition, they are extremely emotionally abusive to the therapist as they are to everyone else. My guess is that some of the criticism of your article may be from people who have this disorder because I doubt someone who has been exposed to an HPD boss or relative would see your article as anything but ACCURATE. Those with the disorder can not handle constructive criticism. While those who have not been exposed to an HPD relative or boss, would likely not know enough about HPD to care to have such a strong reaction to your writing.
Sandy (2009, December 29)
Wow. This article just described the relationship I just survived. I had no idea that such people existed. Everything was paradise at first - the most beautiful woman I had ever known, with a dramatic and tragic past - the came from Russia, her father abused her and eventually committed suicide, she ran away from home and was homeless on the streets of Hollywood. I decided to love her, and show her what love was. I set myself up for the most disturbing and painful relationship I ever had. Eventually she showed me the photos of how she cut herself. She told me about her time in jail, how she had to sleep with one of the guards, how she was addicted to heroin...and it just got worse and worse. She began to control my life, using the words "how can you abandon me like this?" even if I was just visiting my parents. I began to see ugly rage episodes, as she screamed and slammed doors for hours...days sometimes. I spent a lot of time apologizing, trying to fix things, just wanting to go back
Pat (2009, December 15)
Thank you for giving me a window into the madness. I always thought she was the most wounded by her actions now I know there is no reality for her accept for her dilusions of what everyone else should be doing for her life to feel right like it ever will...
Michele (2009, December 07)
I'm a young psychologist and for what i've learnt by books and personal experience I think the description of ms treasure is accurate.
Loris (2009, December 08)
Nice article.Thank you. I also felt that he may suffer from EROTOMANIA. On the DSM under Paranoid Delusion disorder. However, he is functional. He had a good job for someone with a high school diploma. He definetly knew what he was doing. Whether or not he feels anything is another story. It is amazing that murderer can have alot of power when it come to hurting others. My prayersis for Annie's love ones and may them heal as time goes by.Thanks again for writing.
TBR, (2009, November 11)
Well expressed. Any simplification of our situation or of Obama's efforts must be a simplification.... there is so much involved.
David Reinstein, (2009, November 14)
Wow. This article just described the relationship I just survived. I had no idea that such people existed. Everything was paradise at first - the most beautiful woman I had ever known, with a dramatic and tragic past - the came from Russia, her father abused her and eventually committed suicide, she ran away from home and was homeless on the streets of Hollywood. I decided to love her, and show her what love was. I set myself up for the most disturbing and painful relationship I ever had. Eventually she showed me the photos of how she cut herself. She told me about her time in jail, how she had to sleep with one of the guards, how she was addicted to heroin...and it just got worse and worse. She began to control my life, using the words "how can you abandon me like this?" even if I was just visiting my parents. I began to see ugly rage episodes, as she screamed and slammed doors for hours...days sometimes. I spent a lot of time apologizing, trying to fix things, just wanting to go back.
Pat (2009, November 15)
I read this article when searching for information on the characteristics of people with BPD is like in relationships. I have been diagnosed as having BPD and was trying to learn more about BPD. While reading this article my initial reactions were to be offended and disgusted. When I started to think about why these words were making me feel that way it was because it could perfectly describe how I made my significant other feel when I was in a relationship with them. Honestly in the end I was left feeling, well sad. I had known before that I had unhealthy relationships and my tendency was to always blame on the other person and blame certain things on myself, but certainly not all of it. I don't want to put myself through that much less another person. If anything, it helped open my eyes to what I need to do help facilitate treatment.
Melinda (2009, November 16)
I think this article is amazing and scarily accurate. I never post comments on these things but seen some of the negative comments. I have been on the receiving end of BPD abuse and let me tell you all, this article tells it as it is, its not nice to read but incredibly accurate. The people who have BPD and posting negative comments on this truely are deranged, they have no insight whatsoever on the damage they cause, for if they did then they arent Borderline! Go and wind your neck in the lot of yas !
Borderline Blitz (2009, October 26)
This is great advice. We just got a new puppy a few days ago. Nothing yet, thank goodness, but this article will definately come in handy if we have to deal with it. Thanks!
Katrina Arthurs (2009, August 01)
This article fits my life like a glove. Whenever Mother's Day comes, I instinctively roll my eyes and think to myself, "Do I HAVE to? Why should I even buy a card for her? Let alone try to *make her feel special*" Then I feel guilty because I'm supposed to think my mother is a wonderful mom and good role model. I would not pick my mom as a role model for anybody! My sister, dad, and I dread buying gifts for her because there is always something wrong with them. And I've heard the "nobody does anything special for me/ nobody appreciates me/ everything I do is for other people" speech a hundred million times. We all bend over backward for her, and she denies it. I've just recently discovered that there are other people going through the same thing- God bless you for not trying to hide this horrible behaviour like I do.
Anonymous (2009. November 03)
Thank you for writing this article. Please ignore the negative criticism, since they are from unbelievers and have no clue. You have to have faith in the spiritual realm, number one, to understand this article. So if it doesn't help you, don't read it and move on to drugs, therapy that may help. For those of you who believe, please please pray for loved ones who have BPD. BPD is just another name of Being Provoked by the Demonic.
Angie (2009, July 28)
Fascinating article, especially interesting because I just saw a news story a few nights ago about cursive handwriting--it's not being taught AT ALL in some schools nowadays. In my son's school, they don't learn cursive until 3rd grade (he's a 2nd grader). Thankfully, my son's reading and spelling skills are superior, but I think this article still raises some great points. :)
Maria Roth (2009, September 23)
Thank you for this. I have never been able to bring myself to do much on Mother's Day for my own mother. I hate trying to find a card or put together anything special. The holiday is miserable for me as I vacillate between feeling like a giant hypocrite and a terrible, ungrateful child. It's true, I think only other people with BPD mothers understand how horrible and damaging it is to grow up this way. I have multiple personalities because of it that come out in times of stress, and ptsd so bad that I lose my vision temporarily and have uncontrollable shakes when my mother gets a certain tone in her voice. I can't even see her right now. Bless you for being so honest in this article.
Anonymous (2009, July 23)
I enjoy reading your articles. Very insightful.
Katrina Arthurs, (2009, July 20)
Great article! I wish I had known the signs. They were not obvious until after having children with my Borderline. Then it developed into weird aggressive and anti-personal behaviors kind of like this mini-movie: http://angiemedia.com/?p=1904 Not long afterwards, it got even worse. She filed for divorce and went full-on with a BPD vilification campaign! She still wants to control everything about my life, and is using false accusations to do it. False accusations about child abuse, spousal abuse, etc. are the norm for her. She's recruited so many people (neighbors, coworkers, church people, family members, etc.) to help her spread her lies and harass me. It's like being hunted with the court's approval and consent because the court is too inept to figure out what is going on and protect our children and me from her. I would have stayed with her and gotten her help, but the false accusations and how much traction she gets with them are horrifying and massively damaging.It is not safe to be anywhere around her. She seems unable to dtop lying and even works over our kids trying to make them lie, too. Those of you with BPD have to realize you are a mortal threat to your loved ones when you start up with your vilification campaigns. Literally, you can get us tossed in prison and banned from seeing our children with your lies. The only way you might make yourselves safe enough to be around is to very publicly admit you have a problem and cooperate with mental healthcare professionals and getting help to acknowledge your behaviors and learn to control them. Anything short of that is basically asking us non-BPs to play Russian Roulette with you pointing a machine gun to our heads.
Hunted by a Borderline (2009, April 07)
I love Greenville! You've summed of several of my favorite things about the city.
Brita Long, (2009, March 10)
That was a WONDERFUL article. I never knew much about St. Patrick, but now I know. I feel educated. Please let Joy know how much I enjoyed her article.
Dee Brandon (2009, March 17)
Just passing by.Btw, your website have great content!
Mike (2009, March 01)
WOW! and I mean WOW. I wish I would have read this four years ago. This article so accurately mirrors my intense , but on and off relationship with my former girlfriend. Everything is the same,, the stages are exactly the way I experienced them too. The stories, the childhood, the past relationship stories,,etc. are also just as I experienced. Down the the very last point about them being with someone else , but you know they are still hovering in the background, subtly still trying to manipulate and control, so when things happen, (they know things will happen, because its a pattern that they are very familiar with too) you can be a safety net. No contact is the only way out. Thank you very much for taking the time to write this. It is dead on! In the many articles that I have read on this disorder some people try to discredit those of us that have been through this and made the diagnosis ourselves,, yeah the arm chair diagnosis.
Joe, (2009, 26 February)
I'm "stuck" in a relationship with a girl whom I think has BPD right now. This article hits so close to home that it gave me chills.
Mike (2009, 17 February)
Excellent article! (^;^) From personal experience, I can attest that this not only is very useful and practical advice, it is essential for anyone struggling to maintain a successful lasting relationship with someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder. It is not easy!
Rebecca Wren (2009, January 16)
Great article. I'm going to forward it. Tremendous job.
Armywriter (2009, January 28)
This story scares the crap out of me. I would say I am currently in the middle of this type of relationship. I am starting to develop my suspensions. My girlfriend completely adores me and has to compliment me 20x a day. She has had a bad past at breakups- meaning she cheated, was physically abusive and self abusive. This story describes me in a nutshell- wish me the best.
BC (2009, January 12)
Thanks for the article. Nice to know I'm not alone.
Lisa Paris, (2008, 05 December)
WOW! AWESOME!! SURE WISH I COULD PLAY PIANO! THANKS FOR SHARING. YOUR
FAMILY HAS BEEN TRULY BLESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JJ, (2008, 27 October)
Good afternoon!
I love your articles; I added you to my favorites and also subscribed to you. Please keep on writing, you are doing excellent work!!
Thanks,
Sylvia ( 2008, November 19 )
I hope you are well. I miss reading your new work. --Christine (Sept. 03, 2008)
THANK YOU!! For years now, I've been trying to figure out why I was unable to get along with my ex. A friend in mental health mentioned she thought he was BPD so I began researching on line. I still was not sure until I came across your article.
What a relief! I answered yes to the majority of your questions. It feels huge to finally be able to point and say that I feel this is what is wrong. And it means that I can start to seek help. I can change how I approach him and work with him if I can figure out from which perspective I need to do it.
I was starting to really believe I was crazy or I really was the person he says I am. It's been death by a thousand cuts. Thank you so much. For the first time I was able to look at an aticle and say that I saw my situation in it. And if I can name it, I can get help for it. It makes it real.
Thank you so much!!
Sharon Burke ( 2008, June 11)
Thank you so much for your message on blended families. I recently have been going through the struggles you spoke of with my will and His Will. Inevitably we made the right choice. and God will provide for his children it is so hard to remember that when you are fearing for finaces and faced with holding children day and night. forgoing your own desires. Thank you so much for sharing this real life battle with the world and with me. It was very encouraging. God Bless!
Meadowsislands (2008, August 08)
Thank you; I wish my parents had this guide when I was younger.
Megan Deroche (2008, Sept 22)
I was reading your article 'how to spot a girl with bpd' and in many ways it matches - except that initially my girl was showing signs of paranoia, constantly checking me out as if I might become an axe murder, we met online.
I am writing to you because your piece seems to be very certain of the pattern. I am not sure if I am just dealing with a bratty princess who loves drama, or a serious personality disorder.
I won't waste your time telling you why I remained in this relationship - I was in love, and cared about her very much, and she had other good moments - also it was very short lived on account of the fact that I had to be away - and I had never seen behaviour quite like it, so I didn't know what to make of it, and my caring side came out to want to help. I have sinced realised this is not something you can 'fix' and that she needs time and nurture from a qualified objective source. At least in my opinion she does - but I don't say this to write her off.
I am however interested in your comments if you have time to give them
Simon W. (2008, September 10)
Thank-you for telling the real truth about how difficult it is and how utterly emotionally draining it is to have a mother with borderline personality disorder. There are so many articles that tiptoe around the truth and never tell how adult children of BPD's are in constant terror from their mothers. This article was spot-on and I thank-you for giving a voice to all the adult children who are utterly confused and victims of this terrible illness that rips families and souls apart. I am an adult child victim as well and I could relate to EVERY sentence in this article.
Veronica (2008, May 05)
Thanks for further enlightenment, because I've been on a lifetime search for what exactly is wrong with the mother I have always known is crazy.
Truth Seeker2 ( 2008, May 13)
There needs to be more awareness and information on this horrible disorder for the sake of all. It was not until I was 37 and my children were 20 and 17 that I had a name to place with my disorder. It is hard to overcome the symptoms associated with this devistating disorder if you don't know what the problem is or that one exists. I am thankful I knew there was an issue. BPD is often misdiagnosed or overlooked as the person just being "difficult." Although, I was not as severe as the BPD described in Mrs. Treasure's article, I could relate as I too am a victim of BPD parents and have overcome many unhealthy behaviors. My kids have suffered though not in the same ways I had perhaps. It tears my heart apart for their sake and mine- of course. My son is more sensitive or handled my outbursts differently than my daughter. By the time I had them I had some realitive normalcy but during times of stress, I would lose my self control and have to fight to regain it. Trust is a huge.
Temporary in Vanity (2008, Sept. 12)
A wealth of great info here, thanks!! I am the one who has the kids at home and their step dad has to deal with a lot of issues. This was a good read for my family!
Firefly (2008, May 04)
I thought I was mad each time I jogged or walked especially in cold weather thank you very helpful. Now my family wont think I am crazy
Bea (2008, October 10)
There are so many of these things that seem to relate to me. Being bi-polar i tend to shy away from meeting people and stay off to myself too much, guess i am more of a loner. thank you for writing this. Good Job Miss Mrs.
Ken, Coffee Mug (2008, May 7)
I am so blessed by this. This is just a reminder of the greatness of our God. He is ALWAYS on time, so why worry??? This is was an inspiration to me because there are times when I feel like my luck is running out. But I have to remember that God knows best, He knows when, where, and how, and if we just keep the faith, WE HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. God Bless you Joy, your very hardworking husband, Alex, and your 9 children.
Dee (2008, June 06)
This is so awesome. I think the Mom had an angel and a gift from God. Thank you for sharing this.
Sfaloon ( 2008, May 03)
Well said! There really is so much to consider before agreeing to marry someone who already has children. If couples have realistic expectations rather than expecting everything to just fall into place after the wedding, then they have a better chance of success.
Sophie (2008, June 23)
What an intriguing article. It reminds me of some of the "lost" teachings of the Catholic Church. Thanks for writing it.
Hally Z. (2008, October 19)
Very Funny! You should have your own reality show!
Nancy O'Neill (2008, Nov. 14)
OMG! You have your hands full!! 9 kids? How do you do it? What do you say to your teenagers to keep them interested in religion? What is your Secret?
Lucy T. (2007, Nov. 09)
Joy, What a beautiful reflection on your marriage to Alex and your raising of the children. May God give you all the Grace and strength to do His Holy Will. All the things you personally hope for will come to pass when He is ready for it!
Father Bart (2007, Sept. 05)
Praise God! Thank you for your patient reliance upon God and submission to Mother Church . You are a shining example!
Fr. Dwight Longenecker (2007, November 17)
I laughed, I cried, it touched me Bob. I loved this! We are not catholic, or mormon, but we have 8 kids, and we get all the above questions PLUS you must be catholic! you must be mormon. We just say, nope, we just like sex. Great post.
Blessings,
Marye (2007, November 13)
Stumbled upon your website and marveled at your journey. In one way or another, I can relate to some events and challenges in your life. May the love of our Saviour dwell in your home today and always.
Yours in Christ,
Basilio (2007, October 30)
